A Little Bit of Yay and a Little of Bit of Ugh...

OK...so last week was school vacation week. Wicked sweet in terms of a work schedule...5 full days off and free from working with kids. Don't get me wrong...I love my kids but I love my days off. Vacation week, though, is not sweet in terms of eating. I have a very regular schedule during the school week. Breakfast at 7:30ish, lunch at 11ish, and dinner at 6 or 7ish. I don't really have opportunities to snack, except for when I am with my old school Italian home service mom who always tries to feed me. Other than that, I can usually stay in the clear on a weekday.

Vacation is another story...I sleep later, eat lunch at different times, I don't plan my meals as strictly, and I eat out more frequently. All in all it's a recipe for failure. As my previous post proves, it was not a TOTAL failure as evidenced by my delicious, fruity salad from the 99. I won't get into an entire recap of the previous week as it's been awhile since I posted, but I will highlight some important moments:

Tuesday-
Held it together today. Protein bar and yogurt for breakfast. Grilled cheese on whole grain bread, half a bag of Panera chips, tacos made with 93% fat free beef and 2% cheese, and no dessert. Probably the best day of the week.

Wednesday-
High point was lunch. THE SALAD. I have been telling everyone this story. I know, I know. It may not seem like much to the average person. Doesn't everyone eat salad? Well the answer is no...I don't think I have eaten a salad more then 10 times my whole life...and I NEVER, EVER have ordered it in a restaurant. I will be stuck on this moment for weeks (if not months) to come. It went downhill after lunch, though. Went to a cookout that night...had some smartfood (not too bad), a few chips (a little worse), and full fat hot dogs and a frozen burger. Have you ever looked at the nutrition facts for one of those things. EESH! It's awful...they really don't offer any nutritional value, but they do taste good (mostly only when covered in cheese, ketchup, and mustard on a toasty bun). I did totally avoid some (so I heard) delicious chocolate chip cookies and blueberry cake and ate 2 malted milk eggs. I consider no cookies to be a minor victory, but the hamburg and hot dogs make me sad. :0( (PS- I also turned down ribs...just sayin'.)

Thursday-
This day didn't get off to a good start. I stopped at Dunkin's for an ice coffee and slipped. I bought a french roll. Have you ever eaten on of these? I prefer one to sandwich sausage and cheese, but I at least showed some restraint. I brought it home, toasted it, and ate one half with spray butter and the other half with Skippy All Natural peanut butter for some protein. I don't consider this brakfast to be all bad (did I mention how I didn't make it a wonderful breakfast sandwich) but I think my Dannon Light and Fit and protein bar would have been the wiser decision. Lunch was meh. I went to Subway and somehow managed to steer completely clear of the oh so wonderful meatball marinara that I oh so love there. I know not everyone loves Subway, but something about that sandwich makes my mouth water...the sauce, the cheese, the toasted bread. Agggghhhh. (Picture Homer Simpson discussing a donut). It was so hard to resist, but I did it and went with a grilled chicken, american cheese, lettuce, and 2 slices of bacon flatbread. It sort of falls into the healthier choices selections there. I accompanied this with baked lays (NOT Doritos) and felt pretty good. Dinner was at the Outback and I was convinced on the way there that I would get a burger, but game time changed my decision. I went with the quesadilla. Grilled chicken and cheese with a plain baked potato on the side. Sugar free pudding for dessert..breakfast here is the clear loser.

Friday-
Ooooh. I would rather leave this one off the books, but I did have one moment of clarity and strong will. I had hot dogs and mac and cheese for lunch and a meatball calzone for dinner. Ugh. Don't get me wrong...each and every bite of these meals was so wonderfully tasty and to a point, heartwarming, but I definitely could have made better choices. Despite these food follies at lunch and dinner, I really shined Friday night. My friend's son was upset about my nephews leaving to go home so I thought a little Dairy Queen action would distract him (I am sticking with the story that makes my motives sound pure and in no way selfish). We waited FOREVER in line and throughout the whole ordeal I had it in my head I was going to get a kiddie cone of vanilla with sprinkles. Now even this choice is a huge step from the usual Blizzard I gorge myself on, but as I went to order I felt a sudden pang of guilt. I didn't do well at lunch or dinner, but did that mean I needed to throw the entire day away? I heard myself say the words "fat free, sugar free fudge bar". Wow...this thing was NOT Dairy Queen delicious, but at saved me a small portion of my dignity for the day.

Saturday-
Breakfast...good, the usual. I had a piece of Papa Gino's pizza and some breadsticks later in the afternoon. I can't excuse this as Papa Gino's breadsticks are covered and cheese and Phase (never heard of Phase?...it's hard to describe, but it's like a synthetic butter only more oily...it makes things taste wayyyy good, but wayyyyyy bad for you), but I was eating with a person (who will go unnamed, but you could probably guess) who stresses me out to the max and it's easier for me not to flip out and scream when my mouth is busy eating. We ate dinner at the mall that night and I wasn't super hungry, but I was WICKED craving chicken tenders. I know these aren't good for you, but I felt if I completely avoided this hankering, I would completely flip out later and eat like 20 of them so I figured I was better off eating like 3 and getting it out of my system. Apparently, Arby's doesn't sell chicken tenders anymore, but rather popcorn chicken. Not exactly what I wanted, but it would serve it's purpose. Arby's popcorn chicken is more like chicken nuggets and I had like 5 of them. I only ate like 3 of my curly fries and let my hubby finish them. I had a few handfuls of popcorn at the movies (no butter) but considering Pat and I together only ate about 1/5 pf the bag, I can only assume that I ate less than a regular serving (which is like 4 cups). This Saturday still beats many, many, many previous Saturdays, but I know I could have done better. I could have done way worse, but also better.

Sunday-
Mom made french toast today. I can do without pancakes, but I LOVE french toast. I had a couple slices (no butter, though), 2 pieces of bacon, and 2 pieces of toast. My old Sunday breakfast would have been french toast, kielbasa, like 5 strips of bacon, and like 4 pieces of toast, I still held strong. I didn't eat lunch, but had 2 100 calorie packs for a snack. Dinner was ROUGH. Mom made chicken parm. My most favorite Italian food. She doesn't fry it so it's not too bad there, but I did save myself and eat pieces of chicken without cheese. Instead of the mozzarella, I used shaker cheese, which adds far less fat and calories. I only had 1 serving of pasta. Mom made a homemade sauce, which is only tomatoes and spices, so it is much better for me than a store bought sauce. Luckily, the Italian bread got lost somehow so only wheat bread was available which made it easier for me not to carb overload. Dessert looked delicious, but I denied the offering and stayed strong. It had chocolate and graham cracker in it and it made me a little sad.

Writing this all down has made me realize the bad moments were not as frequent as I felt they were and that even with my slipups, I am still doing much better than I was when I undertook this endeavor. Previously, when I made mistakes at various points throughout the day, I would give up altogether and completely throw in the towel (hello, Blizzard), but I am proud that when I could have just taken the easy way out and gone with what I really wanted, I compromised (fat free, sugar free fudge bars are kind of ice cream...right?) Anyway, today started a whole new week and a whole new chance to make healthy choices and smarter food decisions. I slipped today and ate too many Ritz crackers, but then I walked 3/4 of a mile to make up for it. I can't sit back and dwell on my mistakes like I used to...when I fall I have to figure out a way to get back up. Walk a little more when I eat a little more. It's about balance and trying to achieve it. That's my goal this week...a little more balance. Wish me luck!

P.S- I want to say this...I ate most of my meals with other people this week, but when I slipped it was my own fault. Group eating has never been easy for me and will probably always prove to be difficult, but I am responsible for these decisions. No one is making me eat anything or forcing these foods in my mouth. I need to learn that I have to adapt to what is offered to me and learn to control my portions. Fruits, veggies, and other healthy foods are not always going to be at the ready, but it's how I handle the situation that I can control and I need to learn that control. I blame no one but myself for mistakes I make and the decisions I make. I control my own victories and failures.