Enemy, Thy Name is Elliptical

This Week's Loss: .8 lbs
Total Loss: 12.8 lbs

I was wicked on track this week. It is spectacular. Then I went to Pizza Hut for dinner on Friday night. And I ate pizza. With stuffed crust. Covered in meat. With cheesy breadsticks. And honey bbq chicken bites. So in essence, fat stuffed carbs covered in fat, with a side of fatty carbs, and another side of carb covered chicken fried in fat. WOW. That was a fail of epic proportions. Anyway, the fact that I still woke up the next day and still was down is something I am happy with and I really can't dwell on my mistakes. I just have to acknowledge that I ate immense amounts of foods that I shouldn't have and move on and try harder. (Though I do have to admit that even though I don't loooove Pizza Hut, every bite I ate on Friday was GLORIOUS.)

Now obviously this paltry .8th of a pound weight loss is not on par with the 2 pounds a week I need to average to reach my goal soooooo I found myself in a quandry. Obviously the Friday night carb/fat session was supremely helpful in me failing to meet my goal, but I also have not been doing everything I can in helping myself reach my goal. Diet is great and eating the way I have been is an obvious improvement over my previous disgustingness, BUT exercise goes a loooong way in aiding in weight loss. Since I did not lose what I wanted this past week, I decided I had better get my butt to the gym in order to make up for that other pesky pound or so that I wanted to lose.

Now you might be surprised to know that I don't LOVE exercise. That might even be a mild way to put it. I LOATHE exercise. BY exercise I don't mean to include all physical activity. I loved dancing. I really enjoy team sports. I would play soccer or volleyball as long as my overweight, underworked, out of shape body would allow me to. This stuff is fun. There is a point. You kick a ball and score a goal. Every game has a purpose: score points and win. I am a competitive person. I like to win. I get that. What I don't understand is why anyone would choose to stand or sit on a machine of pure torture for an hour or so without really going anywhere or accomplishing anything. Treadmills, bicycles, ellipticals...rationally I understand their purpose. They work certain muscles, target certain areas. Blood flowing, heart pumping, blah, blah, blah. BUT what I don't understand is how any rational, sane, logical person can do these machines for any amount of time longer than 5 minutes and not want to poke their eyes out of their sockets just to switch things up.

I legit have not stepped foot into the gym in a solid two years. Ridiculous, I know. Every month I pay money to Planet Fitness for the right and privelage to be able to use their gym and any and all such benefits that are included with that membership. A logical question to follow this statement would be "Caiti, why would you spend $20 a month to belong to a gym (plus a maintence fee in June) when you don't actually go and take advantage of what you are paying for?" Well faithful readers, here is the answer: I. Don't. Know. I guess cancelling the membership admits defeat and is another minor step in my backslide towards a life of sheer glunttony and utter laziness. I will admit to the gluttony, but laziness is hard to swallow. SO, every month when I look at my credit card bill I see that little charge that is essentially going to waste.

I always have excuses for going to the gym, none of them being the truth. I guess that's why they are called excuses. I don't have time, I hurt my leg yesterday, I have a cold, I have to get home for the dogs, I have to paint the fence, I have a bone in my leg, my chi isn't centered, Aquarius is in the wrong position in the sky, I don't have sneakers, etc. You understand...whatever makes sense to explain why I go home and sit my bum on my comfy couch and turn on whatever rerun of NCIS or Law and Order is on USA.

But I digress. On Saturday, after I saw the number on the scale, I made a vow to actually go to the gym this week. I really have no reason not to, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on the way you look at it. I was pumped. I thought about it all weekend. I bought new exercise pants and shirt. I was ready. Until I woke up this morning. I was no lnger pumped. Going to the gym meant getting out of bed and going out in the snow and doing basically far more work than I wanted to on a school vacation day. I debated staying home, but I somehow managed to put on some exercise clothes and trudge out the door.

I was expecting Planet Fitness to be jammed since it is not only school vacation, but also a holiday, but there were plenty of empty machines. Woohoo. Now I don't know if you've ever been to the gym at 8 AM, but there are 2 kinds of people here at this time. Pretty, in shape, already fit people who work jobs that don't require them to be there at 8 AM and senior citizens. I swear to God. I was the only out of shape patron that wasn't at least 60. Awesome. Obviously, the pretty people can work an elliptical better/longer than I can, but I fear that all these senior citizens are going to be able to putlast me as well. Great...just what I need on my first foray back into fitness. To be outdone my Ethel and Fred.

Anyway, I climb on the elliptical and manage to not pass out after 10 minutes. I hit the 15 minute mark and debated calling it a day, because hell, 15 minutes is about a 1500% improvement over my previous 2 years' time. I sucked it up for another 20 minutes to manage a respectable (?) 35 minute total. I averaged between 3.1 and 3.8 miles/hour while spinning my legs to nowhere so I'll take it. I got off and felt dizzy and lightheaded from putting forth more effort into anything than I have in 2 years (isn 't exercise supposed to make you feel good?), so I steadied myself and hopped on a treadmill. I find an elliptical machine to be torture, but I find the treadmill to be slow, painful death. It's mind numbing. I tried to time myself by the episode of Frasier on Lifetime, but Kelsey Grammar has never been so un-funny as when I am on a loop of death. I pinched myself awake until I hit the mile mark and gleefully jumped down. Glad to be free of those devils. Whoop whoop!!

So one day really isn't anything to brag about so I have to keep this up in order to really reap the benefits. I have no idea how long I can do this, but hopefully 1 day isn't my streak.